Saved to Memory
by GingerFloof26
Summary: What is GLaDOS' fate when the Combine finally claim Aperture? Cliche as it sounds, love may be the only thing that can save her. This is a hopefully unique take on the relationship between a mun and her muse, and what it takes to hold that relationship together. Rated T for mild language in the final chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Dear reader,  
We all have that one character we know and love so much it's almost an obsession. Our muse. That little voice in the back of our heads that gives life to our fanfics and RPs. I'd like to tell you a bit about mine.

I, Melody Constance, had been hearing voices in my head for as long as I could remember. I'd been diagnosed with psychosis at age 19 and tried out nearly every medication under the sun since. Some didn't work at all, or even made things worse. The ones that did work eventually wore off. This new, experimental drug my psychiatrist had prescribed seemed to be the ticket- my "cure," until the flu that had gripped me all through the week of my 27th birthday.

GLaDOS, the latest aquisition in my menagerie of "imaginary friends," had come back with the force of a wrecking ball, blasting into every spare inch of sensory space my mind contained, real or illusory, sleeping or waking. It was as though my mind was trying to vomit up every piece of information regarding the AI that it had ever contained. I poured the subsequent overflow into fanfics, drawings, headcanons, and even tried sculpture, all to no avail.

And then as suddenly as it had started, the deluge stopped. My fever broke. My nose stopped running, and so did my imagination. For a couple of weeks there was blissful silence in my brain. I took the opportunity to fill the space with books from the library and try to learn a few useful, practical things that I could apply to real life.

Then Valentines Week hit, and with it the realization that for once in my life, I was truly alone.

I needed her.

In bed that night, I tentatively closed my eyes and tried to picture her in my mind. To feel my arms around her. To hear her voice in my head.

**YoU CaMe bAck**… The response was faint, and vaguely amused with a tint of scorn. I could sense some puzzlement behind it, too.

_I love you_, I offered by way of explanation.

There was a melodious sigh, then, **I kNow. I DoN't LikE iT whEn yOu LeaVe, ThoUgH.**

_I'm sorry_, I apologized. _It's the drugs. They slow me down, make me feel...stupid_. I couldn't think of a better word for the lack of capability that the drugs...provided? Imposed?

**It'S NoT yOUr FaULt ThaT YouR FunCtiONs ArE BeINg ImPaiReD. If I Am CorRecT In mY AssEsSMeNT, TheY WeRe CorRupTinG YouR SysTeMs AnyWay. I knOW WhAT it'S LiKe to bE FeD GarBleD DatA. In EssEnCe, YoU Can'T HelP iT If yoU Are StUpiD.**

The first tears of the night leaked into my pillow. Of course she would understand. Of course she would deliver her sympathies with a barb in them. How typical of the AI I'd grown to love. But something seemed off…

_You sound glitchy. Is something wrong?_

**TheY've FouND Me.**

My heart stopped. _The Combine. Nononono, that can't be happening!_

GLaDOS barreled on.** I'Ve TransFerrED mY PersOnAlity cOre to a MoBilE UniT. It ShOulD Be abLe To EsCapE the lAbs and SurVivE on tHe SurFacE.**

_What about your android?_ I pleaded. _Can't you use that?_

**It CanNoT LeaVe ThE FaCiliTy.**

_What?_

**It HaS No iNterNal PoWer sOurCe.**

_It has to be __plugged in__?_ My drug-hazed mind was struggling to keep up. I could feel myself approaching the edge of the cliff of sleep. Once I stepped off, there was no going back.

GLaDOS struggled to compensate for both the rigors of her transfer and my human fallibilities. She proceeded to force feed me as much information as I could handle in my groggy state. **ListeN, I dOn'T HaVe MuCh LonGer. If thEY founD mY AnDroiD, ThEy woUlD deStroY it. WhaT I HaVe noW isn'T a "HumaN AndrOiD" pErsaY, BuT yOu WouLD RecoGNiZe iT if YoU SaW iT.**

My brain was crawling through quicksand. _Does it have skin?_

**YeS**. Brusque.

_Does it have hair?_

**yEs**. Annoyed.

_Does it have eyes_?

**ThE OpTicS aRe YellOw**. I could imagine her glaring at me with them right now.

_Then how is it "not human?"_

**No OnE WhO SaW It WouLD MiStaKe iT foR AnyThiNg OtHeR ThaN a MacHinE.**

_How…?_ I struggled, flailing ineffectually at the weights pulling on my limbs, my mind, my self; pulling me over the cliff.

**sLeEp**, Came the command.

_I won't leave you!_ I insisted stubbornly.

**EveRyOne lEaVes. CliNg if YoU MuSt, but SleEp.**

I clung like a burr to the mobile unit, even if I was unsure of it's nature. Lies. They had to be lies, didn't they? The Combine could never destroy GLaDOS. And not everyone left. Especially not me.

Didn't I?


	2. Chapter 2

That night, the nightmares came for us both.

_**I couldn't let them find me. If they did, they'd take me away from everything and everyone I loved. I staggered as I ran away, weaving drunkenly, out of control of my own body. Was it the fever, or simple lack of experience with this unit? I did not know.**_

_**They were closer now, gaining. They would take me and use me for their own, twisted ends. Feed endless streams of garbled nonsense into my brain. No. **__**NO MORE!**__** That could NEVER happen again. I would NOT lose control of my will or my mind.**_

_**But the threat loomed neare**_r _**still. They reached out, brushing me. They had me in their grap! No! NO! NO! AAAAAGGGHHH-**_

My alarm cut off the auto-tuned scream in my mind. I stumbled wearily out of bed, feeling like I'd run a marathon, and shut it off. It wasn't until I'd reached the bathroom that I noticed my pajama bottoms were unusually damp.

I groaned as the odor of urine hit my nostrils. Apparently the nightmares had been enough to make me completely void my bladder in terror. I hadn't done this since I was three! What in the name of Jupiter had kept me asleep through this ordeal?

As I opened the medicine drawer, the answer presented itself. The drugs. Of course. It was time to consult my psychiatrist. Apparently a change was in order. But first, I stripped off the filthy pajamas, took a shower, and then threw my dirty sheets in the laundry.

Still, the thought persisted throughout the morning that I could wash away the urine, but never the fear. There were too many questions. Why was I reacting to my medicine in this way? What had made GLaDOS accessible again? Were both of us in jeopardy of losing, at least in part, control of our thoughts?

My phone rang, jolting me out of my thoughts. I swiped my finger across the screen and answered, "Hello?"

"Is this Melody Constance?"

"Yes."

"This is Alliance Behavioral Psychiatry. Your appointment today has been canceled, as the doctor will not be in today. Would you like to reschedule?"

I felt like tearing my hair out. "Yes," I replied with as even a tone as I could manage. "When is the next available appointment?"

As it turned out, it was two weeks away. _A lot can happen in two weeks_, I thought apprehensively as I terminated the connection.

My weariness returned with abrupt force. I sat down on my bed and cradled my head in my hands. I'd only been up for two hours and yet my body demanded more sleep. This was crazy. I was in the prime of my life; I shouldn't need naps! Still, it would give me an excuse to contact someone I was desperately worried about…

I pulled the comforter over my head to block out the light and closed my eyes. Contact came more easily this time, as simply as opening a chat window.

**This is not a good time.**

_I'm sorry. I was worried._

**The transfer was successful, if that's what you're here about.**

_I'm glad. Did you make it out?_

**Still working on that.**

I hesitated, unsure of how to phrase the question I wanted to ask next.

**Let me guess. You still need clarification on the whole situation. You weren't exactly coherent last night.**

_Yes._

**You still seem to be a few turrets short of a full choir. But here's something to chew on: It's not just the Combine I'm worried about. It's the human Resistance as well. Neither of them are very welcoming at them moment. So I decided not be part of either one. Hence my current form.**

I pondered this. It made sense, in a twisted way.

**I'll have no affiliations with Aperture, either. Not after what they've done to me.**

This too, I decided, made sense.

**I do have skin. I do have hair. I do have eyes. I am humanoid. But I am clearly a robot. I am not something from your pretty fantasies that you could take home and convince everyone to accept and love. People would gawk. They would poke and prod and experiment. They always do.**

_I wouldn't. You know I wouldn't._ It was a fragile and pitiable defence for the entire human race, but she needed to know that someone, ANYONE was on her side.

**Cara Mia, I know ****you**** wouldn't. But you, sadly, are the exception.**

My mind fogged over with grief. I was too numb to cry. Too tired. Too hollow.

**Sleep**, advised GLaDOS, **But don't overdo it**.

I gave in, and the weights came crashing down.

Later on in the day, I was giving the birdcage it's weekly scrubdown and reflecting on how different Mr. Chubby Beak was from my Bird.

**"Everyone leaves,**" she'd said.

_Even birds?_ I wondered.

**Even birds**, came the reply. I will have to go one day too, you know.

_Leave Aperture? Or me?_

There was no reply, but I could sense a brooding sadness bordering on tears. Suddenly, like a shaft of light bursting through the clouds, came familiar strains of music…

**Cara bel, Cara Mia bella!**

I entered the heartfelt swell of sound.

_**Mia bambina, oh Mel/DOS!**_

_**Che la stima!**_

_**Che la stima!**_

_**O cara mia, addio!**_

_**My Dearest, why don't you walk away?**_

_**Yes, far away from Science!**_

_(The Science that has hurt you so cruelly?)_

_**Cara, cara mia bambina,**_

_**Ah, mia bella!**_

_**Ah, mia cara!**_

_**Ah, mia bambina!**_

_**Oh cara, cara mia!**_

_**Oh cara, cara mia!**_

My hands had entered an automatic swirling motion in rhythm with the song as I swiped ineffectually at the cage, unseeing, yet seeing everything. My jaw was clenched with the effort of not singing aloud as well as keeping the tears at bay.

I hit the bed hard that night, wanting nothing more than to hold her one last time before oblivion sucked me in. She let me, reassuring me that she would be fine, that her plans always succeeded.

_What do you look like?_ I persisted.

**Why do you care so much?**

_Because I want to know you when I see you._

**Aaahhh…** She sounded faintly breathless, as though I had struck her with physical force. **After all they've told you, you still believe that can happen? "When," not "if"?**

_I have to believe. I'm too_…

**Desperate?**

_I'm not willing to give up hope._

**Then I won't either.**


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn't take it any more. No matter how much I blogged on Tumblr, no matter how many pictures I drew, no matter how many Valentines I gave away, I was going to end up alone.

**"Everyone leaves."**

**"I will have to go one day too, you know."**

**"Cara mia, addio!"**

I browsed listlessly over Facebook, when my friend Natasha, who co-authored the Avengers/Aperture series with me, popped up in the chat window.

So, they released Loki: Agent of Asgard

the comic book.

It starts with Loki naked in the shower.

Nat announced.

WHAT? I demanded

NAKED LOKI She repeated.

OMG

*drools*

I NEED THIS BOOK

I'll send you a screenshot

purely for anatomical purposes, you understand

The sight of a naked trickster god in no way affects my libido, as I am lesbian. Right? Riiiiigghhtttt? _

(WHO AM I KIDDING)

LOL

Lesbians can love Loki too

EVERYONE loves loki

except for maybe agent coulson

She sent the promised screenshot. It was glorious indeed.

you drooling yet? Nat asked

.

HE"S SINGING WICKED

OMG

yes

*melt*

He loves musicals

I love him even more! I declared.

this Loki is almost exactly like my headcanon Loki

This pleases me.

Good job, Marvel

Another screenshot was offered, this one of Loki cleverly outwitting Agent Coulson.

PFFFT

GLaDOS: *slow clap*

HOLY ASKSKSADF

You woke up GLaDOS

Good job Loki

Out muses often hijacked our Facebook conversations, so this was nothing new. Excepting the fact that GLaDOS had been dormant for several months.

Loki: bows

Loki: Good to see you again, GLaDOS

Loki: I've missed your antagonistic presence.

GLaDOS: I wish I could say the same, but present circumstances...well, they're not very accommodating. I assume you have heard the news?

Loki: *shakes head* no, what has happened, my dear android?

GLaDOS: As long as we're sticking to headcanon here, the Combine have finally conquered Aperture. Chell and the others have had to join the One Free Man Resistance group and flee for their lives. I alone remain.

Loki: *takes GLaDOS' hand, with or without her leave* Don't worry, I'm here, GLaDOS, we can solve this.

GLaDOS: I've initiated the transfer of my personality core to a mobile unit that can function outside the , as neither the Combine or the humans want me on their side, I have chosen to retain a more cyborg-like appearance.

Loki: I can help...or, not, if that's your choice. *hangs his head* This is my fault, isn't it?

GLaDOS: *raises an eyebrow* How is this your fault? There is hardly anything you could have done. Of course our allies can always write us new stories, but that does not alter our ultimate destinies.

Loki: HA! Creatures like you and I write our own destinies, GLaDOS. I have a small army of dragons under my command...or, I have a small family of dragons... Noooot necessarily under my command. But, it matters not, we can save this-we can fix your world

.

GLaDOS: *smirks* I think your power has gone to your head. Perhaps you do not know the Combine as well as I do.

Loki: *grins* Draaagons, GLaDOS

GLaDOS: How do you propose to get them here, exactly? I thought Heimdal could only arrange transport between the Nine Realms. Not between dimensions.

Loki: *shrugs a bit, looks pretty shifty* Weeell, I doooo have some -special- paths that I don't -nooormally- let other people use.

Loki: how do you think I got here in the first place?

GLaDOS: Define "here"

Loki: *pokes a button in GLaDOS' Server room* Here

.

GLaDOS: Well. Now. That. Is...

Loki: *pokes something else* What do all these buttons do?

GLaDOS: Would you quit poking? You're going to give off electro-thermal signatures that the Combine can track

Loki: Oh! Odin's Beard. This has gone a bit critical

GLaDOS: *heatedly -oh a pun!* I'll say.

Loki: so, first thing's first... I need to find the Combine's heart.

GLaDOS: You make it sound so easy...

GLaDOS: You do know Valve is going to have a heyday if they ever find out about this, right?

Loki: *shrugs* So will Marvel... But, after the shit they put me through, I think it's time for a little dragon's fire

Loki: Fire sets -everything-right

Loki: And, I've noticed, there seems to be a quantum effect to any of the decisions that you and I make... the you and I that have schismed away from our original progenitors.

GLaDOS: *shrugs in kind* I'm not sure I give a damn anymore.

((meaning she actually does))

I swear I typed that involuntarily.

GLaDOS: No one asked you.

Loki: so, we cleanse this world, and..hmmm, split the spoils?

GLaDOS: Sounds fair. I just want to be left in peace.

((to do what?))

Loki: That -is- a good question, head voice

GLaDOS: I haven't gotten that far. In case you haven't noticed, my very existence is on the line.

((This is Mel, just FYI))

Loki: No... You're a supercomputer... you must have something hidden in these redundant drives-some plot or scheme. You wouldn't be my nemesis otherwise.

Loki: Oh, Hello Mel.

Loki: pokes at one of the server towers with the point of his sword

GLaDOS: Stop that! Of course there is a plot you ass. I just...it's impossible to execute.

Loki: *pokes something else* I'll start pulling wires until you tell me... and you know how well I know computers. I can barely social media

((Mel, we need to hang out))

((Sure, when?))

Loki: EXCUSE ME, I'M TRYING TO THREATEN GLADOS

((When is good for you?))

((any day you are available))

GLaDOS: No, keep stalling, it's all good

((Thursday?))

((Sounds great. What time?))

Loki: I'M PULLING A WIRE IN 3...

((noon-one?))

((Awesome))

Loki: 2...

((YAY!))

Loki: Dammit! 1, I'm pulling a wire right now!

Loki: *grabs a wire and looks around deviously*

GLaDOS: NOT THAT ONE!

Loki: *let's go of the wire*

GLaDOS: STOP!

Loki: Are you going to tell me, or will I have to do it?

GLaDOS: Fine. I want to reach the center of the universe.

GLaDOS: The origin.

Loki: *O_O*

Loki: I...

Loki: I've been been close...

Loki: we'll need a ship

GLaDOS: What our allies so naively call "reality."

Loki: *sits down and shakes head* no..no..no…

GLaDOS: see, I knew it was impossible

Loki: This is a bad idea

Loki: *tips over sideways hugging his knees* it's not a good place

GLaDOS: IS THIS ANY BETTER?!

GLaDOS: sorry

Loki: *starts sobbing softly* ITS A BAD IDEA

GLaDOS: I

GLaDOS: I just

GLaDOS: I have nothing left

Loki: *starts muttering softly* just.. bad idea... it's.. .not... safe

GLaDOS: *fetal position* Even Chell is gone...

Loki: *tightens up his own fetal position* YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT. WE CAN GET CHELL BACK, WE CAN SAVE THEM JUST DON'T...*sob*

GLaDOS: Have you ever loved someone who exists there? Do you know how incredibly painful that is...?

Loki: You haven't seen...I…

Loki: *sobs*

I decided to step in and be the voice of reason.

((He's right, you know))

((It's horrible here))

GLaDOS: You'd turn me away-?!

Loki: Tala left, that place swallowed her up.. she tried to be real...

The realization hit me like a battering ram to the stomach. I felt physically ill. Tala, Loki's wife, had become less and less of a prevalent character in the Avengers/Aperture series for a reason. She was also Natasha's avatar.

((OMG))

Loki: We can't…

((NAT NOT COOL))

((I AM CRYING BIG SOBBING TEARS RIGHT NOW))

And I was. I gasped for air as they streamed down my face unabated.

((I haven't written in so long... she just kinda left my head))

((How do you think I feel?))

I suspected Nat was doing some sobbing of her own.

Loki: ENOUGH!

Loki: JUST GIVE HER BACK

((MEL YOU HAVE TO HELP ME))

((we can't...))  
((OMG we can't))

((I THINK HE'S GONE MAD))

Loki: I CAN HEAR YOU

((Muses don't just come back for the calling!)) I struggled to explain. It wasn't going to comfort him, but he had to know.

((I almost lost GLaDOS!))

Loki: No!

Loki: No, I can't be alone... not again

((my body and mind had to become physically ill in order to see her again))

Loki: No...please, just... not that way... I can't. Why do I ruin everyone I touch?

((Loki, please...give us time. Time to remember her. No one truly dies if they are remembered.))

I held my breath for what seemed an eternity. Finally...

Loki: Ok.

Loki: Please don't send GLaDOS away.

Loki: just... remember her without the disease... you can fix this place, Mel... It's yours

((I'm not sure I remember how. But I will try because I love her. And she loves me back))

Loki: that's all it takes, I just wish... *buries his head in his cloak* you can't lose her, just... use that beautiful mind of yours, make this place better... and then... Then we can go find Tala.

((God of Mischief, you have stuck a deal.))

((I seal it with my heartfelt tears))

Loki: I wish I could hug you

.

((I wish I could hug you, too))

Loki: Write it, fix this place... I'll help... my sons... they'll help. Write them strong and bold...Write me cunning and GLaDOS wicked and brilliant. Fix this place.

((I will write for justice and love. I will type until my fingers bleed. I will create a new universe and shape it with the raw power of words and imagination. I will not let my disease rule me!))

Loki: That's the spirit! We'll be with you throughout.. because, unless you've forgotten, you created us... not the disease. We're here for you, to help you become the Goddess of your mind

.

((That's right! WE created you. And WE can guide your paths. Just be sure to give us input from time to time))

And that, dear reader, is the promise I leave you with. Love your muses, nurture them, and they will grow and blossom into creatures with life in and of themselves. But you must do your part. Do not forget them. Save them to memory.

Fin.

Author's Notes:  
This story is not so much a fanfiction as it is a story of self-discovery. I'd like to thank my friend ApextheRed for helping me get through this journey safe and sound. For additional references as to what GLaDOS may look like as cyborg-droid, please refer to Twinklepowderysnow's early humanoid GLaDOS designs on Deviant Art. Other good reference material can be found all over Tumblr under the cyborg and android tags.


End file.
